Two days ago, one of my aunt passed away. With her, we have lost one of the last remaining old gen blood relative and that shrinks the relatives base in Trivandrum.

For some time she was ailing and her death followed her husband’s passing. He died at the age of 92. He had sharp memory little the point he fell ill and was bedridden for few months.

After both their death, I felt that I should have done or given or taken something when they were alive.

Given – I should have helped them with my resources. I often said a lie to myself that I don’t much to give, so let me give then next month, and so many months passed. Me, without a job was not earning, except for the money which my wife earns. So, it was a convenient to say that I will give them cash when I get something extra.

Done – I wanted to gift her a good bed sheet. After seeing the grayed bed sheet, I feel I will buy a clean while sheet from Commercial street and gift her. Christmas came and went, still I postponed it. Now, she don’t need anything from me. Now, I could only buy white socks and gloves which she will take to her grave.

Taken – I always wanted to video record their thoughts about the life in 60’s or 70’s or 80’s. Their memory of how family worked, how relatives joined together, how life has changed. Again, I didn’t do it in the right time. And that precious record of their voice, their thoughts is lost forever.

What a pathetic feeling – wasted time, wasted chance to be of use! This is not the first time I’m feeling like this!

In the Living Years
Things that are to done now should be done. Why sit on a project, why postpone a visit, why delay in gratification?

Often the song by Mike + The Mechanics – The Living Years reminds me of how I should have done things in those living years.

Feeling like I have wasted my life, my time to be more remarkable.